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The One That Got Away
Part of the Songfic Series. OA is Katy Perry. Cinderpelt loved Fireheart. But after her life is snatched away from her by Tigerclaw and a monster, she can't help but wish that she had a chance... The One That Got Away Summer after high school, when we first met :I squeal as I'm lifted out of the hole. I try to squirm away, convinced a ShadowClan cat is about to try and eat me or kill me. But as I'm lifted higher I can see that it's actually a ginger tom with stunning green eyes. The apprentice. The old kittypet. :He smiles kindly, "It's okay," I nod, :"That's it, be brave," he deposits me with my siblings and licks my head comfortingly, then pads away. :Don't go! ''I want to call after him. But I don't, I snuggle up next to Mom and Brackenkit and daydream. 'We make-out in your Mustang' 'to Radio-Head' :"From this moment on you will be Cinderpaw." :I smile, at Bluestar, at Brackenpaw, even at a grumpy looking Tigerclaw. :But especially at my new mentor. :Fireheart. :He's only a few moons older then me. He got his name early, after the raid on ShadowClan when he saved me and the other kits. I'd never seen anyone in ThunderClan do something that brave before. And he was a kittypet apprentice. And now he was my mentor. :"Cinderpaw, you ready to see the territory?" he smiles. :I smile, "Definitely!" 'And on my 18th birthday' :My first day as an apprentice. :As we run, Fireheart asks me about myself, who my litter-mates are, what type of prey is my favorite. That sort of thing. He nods seriously at my answers like my opinion matters, like he cares. I even get him to laugh once or twice. :We reach a big tree and I glance up, slightly out of breath, "Wow." :"Yup," Fireheart pants. I feel better because he's out of breath too, "The Owl Tree." :"Why's it called that?" I wrinkle my nose. :"You see that hole in the trunk?" I nod, "An owl lives there." :"No way," I meow, "I bet a squirrel or something lives in there. You're just trying to freak me out." :He laughs, "See the leaves at the base of the tree? Stick your nose under there. There's a clue to if it's an Owl Tree or a Squirrel Tree." :I roll my eyes, but stick my nose in anyways. When I pull it out, strange smelling pellets are on my nose, "Ewww..." :"Owl pellets," Fireheart smiles, "Bluestar played that trick on me when I was an apprentice too." :"You mean this is owl dirt?" I gasp, horrified, "Ewwww!" 'We got matching tattoos.' :Fireheart grinned, and shoved his face in the leaves. When he reappeared, he had the pellets stuck to his face too. I couldn't help but laugh. :Later, when we were walking back into camp and everyone stared, I just laughed inside. :''I have the coolest mentor in the world. ''I thought. ''And no amount of staring can change that. '' 'Used to steal your parents liqueur' 'And climb to the roof. :Some nights we would grab pieces of prey and climb up trees, lounging on large branches and talking quietly. Usually those were the days Graystripe was gone, but I didn't care. No one ever came with us, not Graystripe, not Brackenpaw, not Bluestar, not Sandpaw. :Just Fireheart and me. ''Talk about our future'' :"So what do you want your Warrior name to be?" he asks one night. :I think for a moment, "I want it to be something exciting, like Cinderfall or Cindercloud. Oh, what about Cinderfrost?" :"Cinderfrost?" Fireheart looks at me and I laugh. "What do you want to do when you're a Warrior? Do you want to have a mate." :I look away, "Only if a certain tom asks." :Fireheart smiles, "Ohhh! A certain tom. Do I know him?" :I laugh, hitting him with my paw, "Of course you know him mouse-brain! He'd have to live in ThunderClan, wouldn't he?" :Fireheart laughed and I wondered if StarClan would be so kind as to let me live in this moment forever Just the two of us laughing and talking. ''Like we had a clue.'' :We never told anyone else about our talks. We would just talk to each other. Brackenpaw told me about Graystripe's training and I'd listen. My talks with Fireheart seemed to special to share, even with my own brother. :One day, I heard Dustpaw telling him to get Bluestar to go to the Thunder Path. Fireheart shook his head, "I can't. I have to go get something for Yellowfang." :"I'll go!" a chance to impress Fireheart and Bluestar? I'd do that any day! :Fireheart's eyes narrowed, "No. That part of the Thunder Path is narrow. I don't want anything happening to you. Why does Tigerclaw want to meet Bluestar there anyways?" :I was torn between joy that he was worried about my and annoyance that he thought I couldn't take care of myself. I didn't hear Dustpaw's reply. :"I can go!" I hiss, "I'm not the kit you saved from ShadowClan! You don't have to protect me!" :Fireheart steps back and I wonder if I've gone to far. Then his eyes fill with green fire, "You ''will ''stay here or you'll be kept in camp for a moon!" :He turns and stalks out, leaving me and Dustpaw behind in stunned silence. ''Never planned that one day'' :"Stupid...pretentious..." :I pick my way through the already-familiar territory. Even after only a bit of training, I know ThunderClan better then I know the nursery. It's my home and I feel a sense of pride. Dustpaw told me ShadowClan was scented by the Thunder Path. Well I'd go check it out and report back. And Fireheart would see how brave and amazing I was and Bluestar would make me a Warrior... :I can smell the acrid Thunder Path. Excitedly, I rush forward, slowing down as I break out of the forest. :I long, smelly Thunder Path stretches out past me. Monsters on either side and ShadowClan before me. But ThunderClan territory is behind me and I feel perfectly safe. :"Now, to find that one stretch...." I meow to myself. ''I'd be loosing you.'' :I found the stretch Tigerclaw was talking about quickly. It was tiny, like Fireheart said. I have no idea why Tigerclaw would want Bluestar to come out here, couldn't he just tell her about the scent himself? :I'm thinking about leaving and looking around again when I think of how mad Fireheart would be. If I don't find anything, I'll be in major trouble. And Fireheart will never respect me. :Maybe the scents are closer to the Thunder Path...I pad forward, sniffing intently. I turn, pretending like I'm coming from ShadowClan territory. One leg stands on the Thunder Path while my other three are on ThunderClan territory. I sniff, sniff..... :Then I smell something wrong. Something fiery and smelly. Something terrifying. :I turn and screech, looking just in time to see the monster crash into me and break my leg. :I watched it steal my life and continue down the Thunder Path. ''In another life'' :Tigerclaw was suddenly there and I blinked at him confusedly, "How'd you get here so....fast?" :He ignores me, yowling desperately. I hear other paw pads approaching. :Suddenly Yellowfang and Fireheart are there. Fireheart leans over me, his green eyes wide, "Cinderpaw! Cinderpaw!" :I can't respond, I want him to tell me it'll be okay. i want to climb a tree with him and tell him why I did this stupid thing and that I'm so so sorry. :When we arrive back to camp, everyone gawks. I'm taken to Yellowfang's den where she forces the others to leave. Fireheart is almost silently hysterical, he tells me it'll be okay. But his eyes are frantic, afraid. He has never lied to me before. :Sometime later Fireheart pads in. I can't say he looked terrible, but he looked disheveled. His eyes lacked their sparkle and his pelt was matted. He looked tired. He sat and it was all I could do not to cry. :"I'm never going to be a Warrior, am I?" I whisper. He's never lied to me. :He looks like he wants to cry as well, not answering. He seems to be deciding, to break my heart now or let someone else do it later. Finally he responds. :"No. I'm so sorry." ''I would be your girl'' :I never actually realized how much it hurt to have something you loved taken away. :There will be no more climbing trees and talking, or hunting, or battles. I will never become Cinderfrost or Cinderfall or any of those other cats. I will never have a mate, because who would want a crippled she-cat? :I will never be able to have Fireheart. Fireheart deserves more then a broken, crippled she-cat. :Fireheart deserves more. ''We'd keep all our promises,'' ''Be us against the world.'' :I drift in and out of consciousness. I overhear Yellowfang telling Fireheart that I have an infection. :Fireheart promised me I'd be a Warrior. He promised me that I could be anything I wanted. He promised me that he'd always be there for me. :But I will never be a Warrior. I cannot do anything I want. :And now, when I need him most, when I am fighting my greatest battle, he is not here. I am alone. He has left me. ''In another life'' ''I would make you stay'' :He visits one day. Yellowfang sighs, "Only a few moments," she reminds him before slipping away. :He sits by me, grooming my fur, something I haven't cared to do in a few days. :"I'm so sorry," he meows finally. :"Me too," I whisper. :He starts to say something, "Cinderpaw, I wish-" :Then Yellowfang comes in, "Sorry, Fireheart, you should go. Cinderpaw needs to relax and heal." :He nods and gets up. But I feel frantic. What did he wish? How can I relax when he let this hang between us? How can I relax knowing he is away from me? :I know I should make him finish the sentence, even if Yellowfang is watching. :But he doesn't fight it and neither do I. :I let him slip away. ''So I don't have to say'' ''You were the one that got away''. The one that got away. :I have terrible feverish dreams. The most frequent one is one where I'm chasing Fireheart. He looks back, laughing happily. But I can't keep up. My leg is hurt. He sees and he tries to stop. But there's another cat, pulling him away. I finally stumble and fall. He tries to get back to me, but the other cat pulls him away. I quietly cry while he fades away. I was June and you were my Johnny Cash Never one without the other. We made a pact. :"Yellowfang," I meow as I help her organize leaves on day, "Have you ever had a crush on someone?" :She freezes up, then relaxes, "No," she meows lightly, "Why?" :"Well," I meow slowly, "I was just wondering. Because I don't think-" :"Oh for StarClan's sake!" she meows, rolling her eyes, "Cinderpaw, you are an amazing, talented she-cat and someone will like you even though you're crippled. Goodness!" :Her rant makes me feel a little better. But I still feel sad when I see Fireheart walking out on patrol with Sandpaw. Sometimes when I miss you I put those records on! :When Yellowfang goes out for herbs she asks me if I'd like anything. Sometimes she brings back interesting leaves or good-smelling herbs to try and me me happier. Usually I decline, but today I can't stand it. :"Go to the oak tree that's a little ways away from camp," I tell her, "It has a branch really close to the ground and goes up all the way. Can you get a leaf from under there?" :She nods. :"But don't climb it!" I feel strange, telling her our special tree. But I need to see some remains of my old life. Of the other Cinderpaw. :She nods, and I think I see a glimpse of understanding in her eyes. :When she returns, she lays the leaves down and I eagerly sniff them. :They don't smell like us. :I quietly take them to my nest and cry softly. I wanted more then this. :I wanted so much more. Someone said you had your tattoo removed Saw you downtown, singing the blues. :Someone had the decency to tell me they saw Fireheart and Sandpaw on patrol alone together. I holed up in the medicine den all day, refusing to go out and do my exercises. I told Yellowfang it was because of the snow, but I don't think she believed me. :I lay in my nest sadly. Was it that obvious I liked him? Or was it just gossip? Either or, it's still something that's quite literally from my worst nightmare. Sandpaw is pulling Fireheart away from me. It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse. :The next day, I go out to camp to do my exercises. I catch a glimpse of Fireheart and Sandpaw talking by the prey pile. :I have to let go, I tell myself. ''I'm not his apprentice. I'm not his mate. He doesn't like me in that way. He never knew. He will never know. He must never know. '' But in another life I would be your girl. We'd keep all our promises Be us against the world. :But maybe if I was still the other Cinderpaw....what would my life be like? Would Bluestar be lying here instead of me? Would Fireheart and I be together? Or would he still be drifting away, my capable paws as unable to catch him as they are now. :In my old life, I'm certain I could've at least let him know. He could've given it a chance. But no one ever thinks about a relationship with a cripple. It's not his fault. He still comes to visit sometimes, but it's not the same. He's so sweet and smart and wonderful....but he can't see that Sandpaw isn't the only cat who wants that. In another life I would make you stay So I don't have to say You were the one that got away. The one that got away. :I remember the old games we would play in the apprentices den, where we would dare each other to do things like climb the Owl Tree and tell someone who they liked. It was all stupid. But it was fun too. I wonder how many times I told them I wouldn't play so I could sleep later. How many things did I pass over, things that I will never get to do again? Did I ever really appreciate what I had? :I keep drifting back to what Fireheart said that one day. What did he wish? I have to know. I really want to know. I don't think I can survive not knowing. But I do. All this money can't buy me a time machine. ''No.'' :I used feel overwhelmed by all the great things I could do for my Clan. I could catch prey or secure the border or find herbs or even clean out dens. It was a good overwhelmed though. I had purpose. Now my days are spent fiddling with moss balls and feeling depressed when they roll away from my trapped paws. :All this free time....before I would've been daydreaming or talking to people or doing anything really. Now I'm just sitting here, wishing I could go backa nd stop myself from making the biggest mistake of my life. Can't replace you with a million rings. No. :"Ashkit was in here the other day," Yellowfang mentions one day. :"Oh?" :"He was visiting one of his litter mates with his mother. He asked about you. He's only a little bit younger then you. About as big a difference as between you and Fireheart." :I almost laugh at her. How subtle she is. But Ashkit was probably just interested and wondering what happened to a cat once they can't be a Warrior. Fireheart is like Yellowfang's son and I'm probably beginning to feel like something of an apprentice to her. She doesn't want to have to watch each other hurt the other. :"There are bigger fish in the river," I meow. She understands and falls silent. I should've told you what you meant to me... Cause now I pay the price. :That next day everyone is out of camp. Literally everyone. It's just me, Dustpaw, Sandpaw, Yellowfang the queens, kits, and elders. Thinking like a Warrior, I imagine it would be easy to attack us right now. But how would the other Clans find out ThunderClan is only being watched by two apprentices, a cripple, and a medicine cat? :Fireheart comes charging into the camp. I stand and begin to walk over to him. I need to tell him that I love him. Even if he laughs in my face, he has to know. And I need him to know. :Instead, he yowls, "Rogues! Rogues are attacking the camp!" The moment we get in position, they spring into camp, Tigerclaw in the lead. ''In another life'' :"Attack!" Tigerclaw yowls. Were the rogues chasing him? I don't know because Yellowfang shoves me into the medicine den. She runs out to help fight after telling me to stay low. I sit in stunned silence. I take it back, this is my worst nightmare. The camp is being attacked and Fireheart is in danger. And I am sitting in the medicine den crying like a kit. :Suddenly, I take a deep breath, a little of the old Cinderpaw returning to me. "Are you just going to take this sitting down?" I ask myself. :I stand and push out of the den. ''I would be your girl''! :I hobble as quickly as I can out to the main clearing. Not much has changed yet, ThunderClan is beginning to react, starting to charge into battle. :Dustpaw catches sight of me, "Are you trying to kill yourself?! Get out! You're useless!" :The words hurt, but I continue. I am not useless. The same resolve that filled me the day I went to the Thunder Path fills me now. I can fight. I can help. Somehow. :But Fireheart catches sight of me too and he runs over. I give him a weak smile. "Get out of here," he snarls, shoving me away, "You're hurt and you can't fight. Get out of here and hide with the kits and elders." ''We'd keep all our promises'' :I skitter away in shock. He compared me to kits and elders. He told me to hide. :And I almost hate him for it. :I stand in front of the medicine den, ready to defend it in case any rogues come nearby. But no one does. ''Be us against the world!'' :I just stand there and watch as my Clan fights without me. When the last rogues are gone and they are cheering, honoring eachother, I cry. Because I didn't help at all. I never thought I'd be so dissappointed in myself. :My Clan fought and won today. I should be happy. But I can't manage it. ''In another life'' :Fireheart and Graystripe come out from the leader's den and a hush falls over everyone. They drag Tigerclaw behind them, and a tired, stunned looking Bluestar followed them. :"Tigerclaw tried to kill Bluestar," Fireheart says. Bluestar nods but she looks as though she's trapped in another world, processing what just happened to her. I know the feeling. :"How do you know?" Darkstripe calls. :Fireheart launches into a story, a story of lies and betrayal with Tigerclaw at the heart of it all. He pauses for a moment, then looks at me. :"Cinderpaw, your accident..." he meows, "It wasn't...Wasn't an accident. Tigerclaw set it up. He wanted to kill Bluestar. It's his fault." :I can never see these things coming. Just like I never saw the monster that almost killed me, I never foresaw this revelation. I take a step towards Tigerclaw. :"I'm sorry," he mutters, "I never wanted to hurt you. You were loyal and a good apprentice, I never wanted-" :"You're just sorry Bluestar wasn't the one in my place." I whisper, "A crippled leader if easier to kill, right?" :He doesn't even have the decency to lower his gaze. ''I would make you stay!'' :I turn and run, run away from all of this. Only I can't run. So Fireheart catches up to me pretty quick once he's done talking to the Clan. :"You shouldn't come into the forest," he meows, "All kinds of things could get you while you're alone." :He said the same thing to me when he caught me sneaking out of camp as a kit. I wonder if he remembers that, "Why?" I hate how my voice has suddenly turned so broken, "Why did it have to.." :Fireheart wraps his tail around me, "I know," he meows sadly, "I know." :"I hate him," I cry softly, "I hate him." So I don't have to say you were The one that got away! :"I hate him too," Fireheart whispers, "Once my sister helped me figure out what he did....I hated him. So much more then I did because I knew he could've stopped this all. But he didn't." :"That's how he got there so fast," I recall, "After my accident." I remember, "He blamed you though, for letting me go." :"I could've stopped it too," Fireheart whispers. "I'm so so sorry." The one that got away! :I pull away for a moment. Now is the time. The one :"Fireheart..." :"Hmm?" he looks at me. I recall those green eyes on that day back in ShadowClan. :My hero. My mentor. My crush. The one :"I need to tell you something," I say seriously, "So please, just remember I will always be your best friend, and this doesn't have to change anything between us." The one! :He tips his head, "What?" :Now, "Fireheart, I-" In another ''life'' :Yellowfang and the newly named Sandstorm burst in, "Hey!" Sandstorm meows to me. she turns to Fireheart, "You wanna go for a walk?" :He looks at me, conflicted, "What were you going to say?" :"I...." I can't say it. Not with Yellowfang and Sandstorm here, "I just really like hanging out with Yellowfang." :He seems puzzled, but relieved, "Oh, cool. Me too." :He and Sandpaw take off, bounding off already talking and laughing. ''I would I would make you stay!'' :Once he's out of sight, I fall to the snow. I did call after him. In my dreams, in life...but I don't think StarClan wanted that for me. :They took away everything when that monster hit. My life, Fireheart... :"Come back," I whisper, "I love you..." :But it's too little too late. :He's gone. ''So I don't have to say you were '' :Yellowfang pulls me next to her, wrapping her tail around me and pressing against me. My tears seep into her fur. :"I'm sorry kit," she murmurs. ''The one that got away!'' :I return to camp later with her. Fireheart and Sandstorm are sharing a squirrel over by the fresh-kill pile. I hobble to the medicine den, and begin to help Yellowfang. I have made a decision. :I will be a medicine cat now. I will let him go and he will never know. He can have Sandstorm and she can have him. :I've already lost everything. I can loose one thing more. :I can have memories. ''The'' ''one that got away!' Category:Artimas Hunter's Fanfics Category:Songfic